IVF Is More Traumatic Than We Acknowledge, and Women Deserve Better Support
As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist working with women navigating fertility challenges, pregnancy/ infant loss, and pregnancy after loss, I am increasingly concerned by the level of trauma symptoms I see in women undergoing IVF, and by how often these symptoms go unrecognized.
Many women describe intrusive thoughts, emotional numbness, fogginess, and a sense of pushing themselves beyond their limits. Rather than being understood as signals of overwhelm, these responses are often ignored by the medical system as simply part of the process.
But these are not signs we should dismiss. They are nervous system responses to sustained stress and they impact our bodies, hearts and minds, with real consequences.
A large international study published in The Lancet Psychiatry found that over one-quarter of women undergoing fertility treatment met clinical criteria for PTSD, with the two-week wait after embryo transfer identified as the most psychologically distressing phase. Also, 68% of women going through IVF showed symptoms of trauma. That’s a big number.
I recently spoke with Leilani Navar, an acupuncturist, herbalist, and integrative medicine practitioner in Irvine, CA who works closely with fertility patients. She reflected on how little gentleness many women receive during IVF.
“They’re not getting much acknowledgment of how emotionally intense it is,” she shared. “It takes a huge physical toll, and a big part of my role is treating stress and anxiety, helping them stay balanced through something incredibly demanding.”
From both a psychotherapeutic and holistic perspective, many women appear to go into a kind of emotional survival mode when in the IVF process. They keep going with shots, appointments, procedures, even when their systems are signaling the need to process, to feel, and be supported with how they are responding as a whole.
This numbing can be adaptive in the short term. But over time, it can disconnect women from their bodies, their intuition, and their sense of agency — particularly painful in a process that already involves so much loss of control.
Lowering stress hormones, supporting nervous system regulation, improving nourishment, and tending to emotional well-being are not luxuries. They are necessary and valid pieces of the process.
Or as Navar reminds her patients: “You’re a better mother when you’re rested and regulated. That wisdom applies during fertility, too.”
Three Things To Keep in Mind When Undergoing IVF
You are allowed to slow down emotionally, even if the process feels urgent. This might mean taking on less, making more time to breathe, to walk, to be quiet. Your nervous system matters just as much as your lab results.
Your response is normal. Numbness, fogginess, or overwhelm are understandable responses — not personal flaws. And they also mean that getting support is important.
Support is available. A therapist who specializes in trauma and grief can help your nervous system ground and calm. Fertility acupunturists, nutritionists and dieticians, IVF coaches, all have important wisdom to help you and your body heal.
Reach out to Jessica at jessica@jessicamalmberg.com
Find Leilani and Leilaninavar.com
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